at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
