What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
