when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
