I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you will always have a special place in my vag
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
