Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
