i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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