oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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