Non-Jews are for practice
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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