WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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