when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize