So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
do nipples grow back?
Randomize