Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize