I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
