how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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