You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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