it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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