Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
