me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I checked into jail on foursquare
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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