good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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