I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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