pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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