quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
