how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
