i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
