He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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