3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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