Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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