no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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