Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize