so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
