shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
birth control should be required to get into college
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
