So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
