cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
