she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
