and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
