i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
