it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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