Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
