yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Two words: blizzard sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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