Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
