Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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