her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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