remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
