Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
