Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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