TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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