so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
