i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
