you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize