Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
