Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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