Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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