Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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