someone get that fucking seahorse.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize