So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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