Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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