final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
