Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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