you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
