and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
