so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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