You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
