I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
