what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
